Procrastination....

is my answer to impulsion.

I've always known I've been a rather impulsive person, despite my overall nature of being an 'anal planner'. As much as I like to plan, many things that I do happen at the spur of the moment. In the past I've always thought this was down to my weird mood swings. Recent events, however, has led me to realise this:

When I'm not Impulsive, I'll Procrastinate (infinitely, or maybe close).

Harsh words even to myself. Of course, for the things I must do, I will. But many things in life aren't always 'must'. Even eating, sleeping, drinking, in most instances, are a 'can' and not a 'must' until a very last moment.

I'll give some examples.

I currently live quite a long way from the city and my home is really quite nice to stick around on weekends. So unless I have something major that I must do, I wouldn't even go out, even to buy food for meals. Occasionally I'll get these impulse to go out somewhere. For that moment, if I decide to take it up, I will go. But if the decision is delayed (either because where I want to go to or who I want to go with isn't as decisive), then moments later, I will just retreat back to my previous condition and no longer wants to go anywhere.

Another example would have been my dream trip to Japan. I've thought of it many times, but everytime it's all thoughts and no action. Subsequently nothing comes out of it and these days, I'd rather not think of it knowing full well I won't do anything about it.

Now at some point I would say that I just lack the drive to do what I want to do, but I've also realised that if I had done everything I wanted to do on an impulse, I'd done many things I'd regret or even suffer in consequence. So in essence, my abilty to procrastinate has, one way or another, saved me from so many really silly decisions and actions. Of course, it has also made me miss so many opportunities and wasted so much time. But then again, not like actually pursuing those opportunities would have made things that much different. Potentiallity isn't the same as reality.

Having said that, I read an article by this M:tG designer/writer who I like reading alot and his most recent 2 parter was about his wedding. Oh, his wedding is way cool, for those who can appreciate a break from tradition. Unfortunately, for most people, the article would not make much sense as he intertwines his wedding story with M:tG design story. But in case you're curious (as I would), here's http://wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/Article.aspx?x=mtg/daily/mm/10 (it's part 2 by the way. You can get part 1 from the article link). Now I'm not talking about getting married here, but in his article he said that designers (or im my case, me), should learn to trust the gut. I would take that as trusting the moments I go on impulse. But how do I do that?

I guess that would probably take me even more years though by then, I'd probably have no gut feel to go about anymore. At least I could boast of the many things I didn't end up doing. How's that for positivity and seeing glasses half full??? hahahaha