Sarcasm..

To some, I've too much of it. To others, I've not got enough..

I've always been a quick thinking person, especially as a child. While it was easy to dismiss the child's nasty remarks as naive and innocent, somehow my remarks seem to always cut straight to the point and hurt people. Around the age of nine, one time my family decided to visit my grandfather's orchard. Now this isn't your nice orchard where you've got gardeners and cleaners plus nice infrastructure for people to rest and relax. Nope. This is your 'in the woods' and poorly run type of orchards. Typically, our visit there wasn't much for fun but to work. There were plantations to care for, weeds to pull, shed to clean and develop.

It was pain. I couldn't fathom what on earth I was there for if all I get to do is sweat in the sun and work for no apparent reason other than my parents or grandparents telling me so. Typically, me being myself, I abhored these visits and I doubt I made any attempts to hide my displeasure. So on one fine day at the orchard, I quipped back at something and my mom told me,"why do you always say things without going through your head?"

Now I've heard that a thousand times before and in the past, I couldn't understand what it meant. But this time, it somehow dawned upon me that I always voice my opinion without really caring how it would make other people feel. That, and my lack of tact meant that everytime I spoke truthfully, someone gets hurt. Yes, the truth hurts especially when it's not laced with kindness and compassion. Since then I started to become slowly, but surely, a thinking communicator instead. What I didn't realise, was that by me slowly forcing my words through my head before they came out, I now lack the ability to be straight to the point. Instead of spear like accuracy, I began developing twist and turns in my words, sort of in my own way to hide the bare truth.

But the sarcastic part of me never really left. It just got shafted to my inner self, my subconcious. Every now and then, at times when I have least control of my thoughts, those pointed sentences come out thick and fast by the time it's over I am labeled rude, disrespectful and what not. I wasn't even a teenager yet...

Over time I ceased becoming a person easy to anger yet easy to make friends, but I started to become more recluse and introvert. Yes, I used less sarcasm, but that was because I talked less. When I do talk, I take such a long departure from the point that I either confuse or bore people. Oh yes, I agree I was boring. That's the price I had to pay to not hurt people.

Then in my days in the university, where most people begin to find themselves and what they want to do in the future (yes, some kids have their future all planned out. But for lesser beings like me, it takes much longer (and sometimes never) to find one's true calling) I had a weird conversation with an associate while hanging out at a hobby store. In that conversation, I think there was alot of dissing of certain players both for their behaviour and their poor results. The associate stated,"No matter how bad the person is, they too have self-pride. We shouldn't be bashing them up so thoughtlessly".

Again I was reminded of what my mother used to say about me. The funnier thing was that this statement came from an associate who isn't exactly the kindest person in the world. Yet he, truthfully or not, found it relevant to cut people slack. Again, I do not recall any of our personality strikes being lies, so they were just plain truths that hurt. Being upfront about it, hurts.

There lies the issue with sarcasm. Or at least when people complain about my sarcasm. Wait, the stories incomplete.

So reeling of 2 insightful statements to remind me that not everyone can handle the truth (yeah, I knew it before A Few Good Men did..:p), at one time I was helping out with a M:tG event. It was back in 2000 and KL was hosting its first ever Grand Prix and they needed people. I happily volunteered as I was no good with the game, but ruleswise I was ok. I also passed my level 1 judge test there, despite not really scoring the required passing mark, so it was all good then.

What I want to mention was one of the nights we had dinner at a nearby restaurant. The main organisers from the US were also holding an Invitational event running concurrently with the GP. That dinner, they also invited the Invitational players. One Gary Wise (only those aware of M:tG would know the name, if you've been playing long enough..:p) was seated opposite me at dinner. In one of the conversation, something came up and most of the people had a good laugh but I was clueless. I got a nice remark from Gary," You're not very good with Sarcasm, are you?"

Here I go "what?" in my head. All my life I've been blasted for being too sarcastic and here someone's telling me I'm not good enough? How rude! But that's besides the point. More importantly, I realise that sarcasm is only good for people when they don't get hurt but when they do, it's bad. The problem is, most of the time my sarcastic remarks happen IS when the person's around. Not behind their backs. It's not like I'm lying about them. I'm just making obvious, without the shadow of concealment, the plain truth that hurts. For that, I am crucified to no end.

Well, too bad people. You've got to learn to handle the truth because everyday you have to face it. Laced with kindness or not, the truth will hurt you. It's just whether you have to face the pain in front of people or in hiding. If you have a problem with me telling in your face what the truth is, then don't let me find out the truth. I aim to pull no punches. Same goes if you know of my truths. Spare me no leniency and just fire away. Fair game, this sarcasm.

I'm done trying to say nice things to people so that they don't get hurt.