A thought like no other

Hmm.. It's been more than 3 months since my last post. Clearly I have much less to write these days. Should find something to do in life so I can write about it.

What a sorry excuse to give myself.. haha

In any case, I have recently thrown a question at myself that I'm not sure if I know the answer, if I can answer and if I will ever answer.

Just a short reminder to self and the random people who come across this entry, I have always tried to resist the 3 things I feel this world is too reliant on:

Money
Other People
Procreation

Having said that, whatever I have in life today I try to stay away from an old chinese saying, literally translated as "Even in Death I Don't Care". As much as I believe this world is evil, the earth is dying and humanity is but an ideal, I still cannot completely forsake humanity and that I do keep whatever semblance of it that I have in me, in me. So in wanting to do that, I will need to not lose hope in humanity.

Unfortunately, my belief that procreation is process that I wish not to partake contradicts that faith in humanity. By not procreating, I rescind the duty of ensuring the human race survives. Yes, 6 billion or more other people can do it on my behalf, but this is about me, remember?

My theory on kids, or not having them, lies mainly in the current state of the world which, without a whole lot of planning and backup plans, means that every new life I help create is forced upon living a life of most difficulty, especially morally, without the known option of not having to live now (they may prefer to live later, or earlier.. :P) (for those who believe in reincarnation or similar theories, you could argue that the soul made the choice to live before they were born again, but as I don't quite believe in reincarnation, and I personally feel I wasn't given a choice to be born, I'll stick to what I know clearly for the moment). I don't like that, not giving each newborn child that option. It gets even worse when the parents didn't consider things that way and chose to procreate out of sheer ignorance, or selfishness (the desire to procreate is strong within humanity, like it or not), making the life that comes anew facing so many more obstacles that shouldn't have been there had the new parents to be made conscientious thought an effort to prepare themselves and their soon to arrive newborn.

Yet, the decision, or the lack of effort to procreate, ultimately means that person has given up on life. That person technically, through the very decision to not procreate, decide that there is no hope for humanity and nothing that comes forth from them can change it. By believing the process of parenthood and the upbringing of a child in these difficult times unworthy of a risk that the new life can grow up to make a diffierence in the world, small or large, means giving up on life. Not giving another life a chance to live, by not procreating, means giving up on life.

Painful thoughts those are. I still believe ignorance is bliss, even though I keep choosing not to, despite knowing I can, at times, be ignorant and be blissful. At this point of time I have a thousand and one excuses to defend my lack of progress in not giving up on humanity, but I know as time goes on, I will have less and less excuses to use and even less time to make ammends.

A short life will help.

Unfortunately I keep getting this feeling that the maker doesn't plan to let me die young without me conscientiously trying.

I don't actually want to test that feeling, either.

What a great way to start 2010...