When I Laugh, (or Smile)....

When others won't, for clearly the situation doesn't warrant the humour/laughter....Most of the time it's not because I have a sadist view of most things (thought at times, I do), but simply because there is very little I can do about it.

Going back abit. I'm getting quite a lot of slack from people who know me but don't know me all that well for my ill-timed laughter or smiles. Most people write me off as being some sicko finding fun out of other's misfortune (yes, I smile/laugh at other people's misfortunes. But I laugh at my own significantly much more..) Oops. Wait, Saint Saen's Organ symphony just ended. Going to put something else on..Brahm's Tragic overture is next..

Now, where was I? Ok, so I laugh when things go wrong. Or something bad happens. It's not that I am insensitive towards the situation, but throughout my years I have turned into a person almost impervious to grief by bad luck/misfortune. Or, at least, I don't show it.

Wait, let's jump around a bit and confuse myself and anyone insane enough to read this. Take this example that happened over lunch. This new waiter serving at a food court came over to take me and my friend's orders. I wanted my good old teh tarik (pulled tea with milk) and my friend ordered Milo Ais (ice) kurang manis (less sugar). The waiter promptly went off and returned a few minutes later. In his hands were Teh O panas and Teh O panas Ais (that's tea wihout milk, and another with ice). Two completely different drinks from what we ordered. Ok, if you're not from my region/locale, the orders don't seem that different, but where I am from, they shouldn't make these mistakes. But they do.

After clearly stating the drinks we ordered and have the waiter return the drinks for correct ones, my friend commented that I seem to be enjoying myself with the waiter's incompetence. His clue was the smirk on my face. While he agreed that I wasn't in anyway making hell out of things and giving the waiter a hard time, I seemed to like the whole muck up. To him, I was having fun. But I wasn't. Fortunately for me, his comment was both blasé and direct, allowing me the opportunity to explain (Not many people allow others to explain things that seem weird to them but in reality it isn't. OR, they just find it weird. PERIOD). So I explained that my smirk wasn't because I enjoyed it, but it was just me not showing my frustration to the whole mess of things at the waiter whom I know, or believe, was new, foreign, and untrained. The reasons why he gets the job is because (most) restaurant/food court operators in my country are so selfish and profit-minded that they prefer to hire foreign labours to do jobs locals can do simply because it's probably at a fraction (possibly even a tenth) of the cost of locals. It is also not helped that locals here find jobs like that( waiting tables at coffeeshops/food courts) either demeaning (yes, (many) uneducated people in my country believes they are due a desk job that pays them well without them requiring to use much brains) or too low paying, making the bosses sometimes having no option but to look for job hungry foreigners who would take any job that will pay them ANYTIME.

So the whole muck up, while to some part, was the waiter's fault, in many ways, it wasn't. Nor will it help if I turn hostile and give the guy a good shouting or two. I still wanted him to bring me the drinks I want, and preferably not contaminated. So my response? Withold all the negative energy in me, try to it work out with the waiter and hope that he gets it right the second time. Oops. Tragic overture ended too. This is longer than I thought. Schumann's Piano Concerto it is then.

There you have it. A common occurance where you have me smiling (at times laughing with myself) when most others would either show their annoyance or anger and react negatively. I'm not saying that I am so capable of controlling my anger and all that saintly stuff. I don't. Nor do I try to. If showing anger, annoyance and frustration, in my honest opinion, gets the message across, I will, without hesitation, give it to you/them/it. Just ask the many poor sods that tried to telemarket me. But in many instances, these emotions/reaction just doesn't do the right job. So, instead of making everyone feel bad, I'll just make myself feel bad. By doing so, most people think I'm some psycho. (Which, on a different vantage point, isn't so far off bulleye :p)

The next time you see me laughing or smiling when you don't see how it can be funny, don't immediately think I'm having a good time too. I'm just not showing it. On other note, I do find it hilariously interesting how in a span of 3 months, I know of 3 persons whom I am not related to to have died. By my theories, while death is inevitable, they tend to happen over much longer periods of time; not so frequently. Must be me..

I'm Broke, By the Way...

The weekend's been quite interesting. For those familiar with me, interesting is the word I use too often as proxy to more accurate but potentially deangerous terms like; Boring, Ridiculuous, Silly, Incompetent, Unacceptable, Mess, Useless, Annoying, etc......You should get the drift.

But this weekend was interesting in essence. It was expensive, however..

I'll start off with my 2 hour trip to Sunway Lagoon. Now, I've never been much of a fun-park guy, mostly because I haven't the heart to take all the crazy G-Force they are all aimed and putting the human body through. But as with many things that hurts my heart, it has such a shoddy memory of pain that for some unknown reason I felt like doing all those crazy rides. It didn't help that my company decided to arrange the trip free for people like me (who are members of a club in the company). That, or the fact that I'm now 30+ makes me realise that if I don't try them now, I probably never will.

So after some kiddie rides I took the ship like ride that moves like a pendulum, but eventually goes all 360 when the momentum is just enough to reach the apex and fall over. Half way on the ride my heart was already giving out and I could hardly think reasonably. I couldn't scream, not sure why and all I could think off was how to survive the ride. Eventually I just focused on the floor of the 'ship' and didn't even dare to look out when I could tell I was upside down. When the whole thing was over, I couldn't wait to get off the ride. I had this weird sensation in my heart which said pretty much, "DON'T TRY THAT AGAIN"..Gladly...

After that I took some other rides and shot some paintballs. By noon I was ready for lunch and left the park soon after. Note to self: Do not ride crazy rides. Do not do them alone.

Funness...

Now what has that got to do with me being broke? Broken, maybe, but broke?

Well, yesterday I did some scouting for digital pianos/keyboards. The problem I have now is that my keyboard at home is not touch sensitive, i.e. light touch or hammer the keys I get the same sound and loudness. For casual playing that's actually good, for my piano lessons it's not good enough. I have been putting off securing a new keyboard for awhile, but with the sound of the old keyboard getting worse, I'm losing drive to practice.

So at the end of the scouting session I signed my life away for a new digital keyboard. It arrives tomorrow. Luckily for me the makers have realised a market for small digital keyboards for beginners like me that cost half as much as the bombs of normal digital keyboards and nowhere near acoustic pianos. Still, in this economic environment, I'm broke...

Oh, a quote from myself I told my (ex) boss, " Interesting Developments, Without Much Developments"....

Yet Another Bites the Dust....

Interestingly, 2 persons I've known of at work has since passed away.

One via suicide, the latest one suspected to be murdered.

My whole workplace is a gloomy place to be for the moment.

Yet all I can think about is how my Danny Murphy and Micha Richards picks for Fantasy Football turning out to be great picks!!

I don't quite know these 2 individuals that have passed away, but I have worked with them and even shared meal times with them before. Both are female, by the way. While everyone's thinking about the ordeal the latest demised would have went through hours before her time (consideirng current speculation involving foul play), I can't feel the slightest for her.

It's not the first time I felt this hollow in me. Last year a known associate lost her mother and when informed, my thought was solely on "yet another where I wouldhave to fork out money if I turned up at the funeral. I shall pass". In my memory, the closest persons who have passed away while I was mature enough to understand the passing were my grandmothers. Yet, I don't recall ever shedding a tear for either one of them. Granted, I wasn't close, but..?? Really??

I don't know, maybe if in the time my immediate family members or my parents, that time I might actually feel it. But for now, I think I'm unable to feel sad when a person dies..When a person dies, here are my immediate thoughts:

1) They do not need to suffer in life anymore
2) If they died young, that means they've done a whole lot of good for their god to take them away.
3) I don't want to go to the funeral as I don't want to pay
4) Wonder how did they go?
5) Will they realise (their soul/spirit) they are dead? For the dead that don't know/accept that they are can really give the living problems.

While I now believe going to a person's funeral is some sign of respect, I can't see myself going to one anytime soon. Unless I've some work to do...

:p

It's Been a Month!!!

Since I last blogged!!

Oh my, words escape me.. No, really, I really have little to blog. I wanted to write about educational choices and work happiness but realised the post was going from nowehere to, well, nowhere..

I'd like to blog about bread making but unless I just want to write about how crap my attempts have been, there really isn't much to write about.

I'd like to write about my love life............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................(still don't get the hint??)

I'd like to write about work but there isn't anything new to blog about..

I'd like to write about my progress with piano lessons but progress has been slow. Aside from a serious consideration (despite the poorer economic conditions) to purchase a touch sensitive electronic keyboard that should set me back around RM 3000.

I'd like to blog about any other thing, but really.......

I guess the only thing worth looking forward for the moment is this concert I'm going to go in 10 days time..Should be fun...

Hope it's fun....