And 72 hours was over

2 post in a single day! Hmmm, rarity..

To finish off the post I did about my, assignment at Langkawi, The 3rd Day was the most hectic off all. Morning meeting, lunch activities and Dinner by the beach required me to dso alot of work. I even had to delay lunch just to make sure the activity went on as planned. Not that lunch was very appetising anyway....

Dinner was a blast. It was a commemoration of Management who were leaving, or moving on, and it was done with such aplomb that no one voiced out their concern over the fact that dinner only got served at 10pm! Or, everyone was so polite they refused to interrupt proceedings. Note though, I felt so out of place during dinner I decided I'd vanish once I had enough food. So much for planning to leave before 10pm to watch Monday Night RAW (On Tuesday, 10pm Astro)! Left close to 11pm, but didn't watch TV anyway because I needed to be up the next day by 7am! The rest partied until 2am, I heard.....

Final day had another morning meeting, and I had to start ensuring everyone got to their flights on time. So only had some personal time like, after 2.30pm...Even then, all I did was to get a ride to town to do some meager shopping. Being Malaysian, there wasn't much I'd be interested to buy since I have seen all of it. Did buy a bottle of JD for RM 55! (Could have gotten it even cheaper, darn!)

At the end, I was given the responsibility to ensure the final check out price for the whole thing was correct...and the 32 people spent more than RM50K!

Overall, the hard work was quite fulfilling, not too much fun, but ultimately worth every second of my time. Now, to remember all the 32 person's names!

Coping with depression

Sad to say, I must admit, I get depressed way to easily. Damn that chemical make-up. I use to deal with it rather extremely, either going ballistic or self destruct, or ignore it completely. It's time to face it head on.....Deal with it.

This time I was asked to not join a group for lunch. Something others would just shrug off, yet here I am, depressed. I know why I am depressed, the question is how do I deal with it? I have joined them many times for lunch, I guess probably not anymore....

I have long analysed that in any group of people, there will be 1 person (at least) who'd always be the fall guy. The guy everyone ignores, insults and bullies. Oh, they're rarely female. What I'd always hope was to not be that guy. Yet as I get on with life, I seem to play that role more and more often. Wherever I go, I seem to find myself trying to be in a group that I don't belong....or I don't know how.....

It doesn't help that I lack tact, and my inter-personal skills leaves a lot to be desired. And just when I thought I may have found a place that I belong, bang! Right in the face I get hit and I get left out again. Yes, I know how it feels. To be left out, all alone, when everyone thinks that you're weird and better left alone. I try to avoid doing the same to others as much as I can, unfortunately I admit, I make others feel the same way too. You reap what you sow?

So this thing, being outcast, isn't really others fault. There's no point keeping company of anyone that isn't really a company, so to speak. The onus truly lies on me. My inability to adapt results in me failing to connect. My inability to cope results in me trying to distance myself from others. Which basically comes down to the point, will I ever find home? A place to belong? I guess not, unless I change.

The question now is, how should I change? I've always hoped to get insomnia and reprogram how I think. Maybe that way I can start afresh and be less, alien. But that's wishful thinking. So what's more tangible, more reasonable?

I can't think of any now. But I do know it's time to cope with it and stop rebuilding walls to protect myself. If the walls are torn down, leave it down. Let pain walk right through it and learn to stand up again. Stop trying to resist this pain and try to condition myself to be tough enough to fend it off.

What's on my mind:


I have often dreamed, of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its' harms
I don't care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

I will search the world, I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

29 hours already?

And today passed....just like that.

Basically I was like an extra reception counter for my colleagues today. At least I manage to help get 4 persons on a diving excursion, 10 persons on a Mangrove tour (which all return extremely grateful to have gone), 4 on an afternoon tee-off (they must be nuts!) and several to the Spa. I think I'm gonna do that on Wednesday if I am still alive.

Met with the 'head' honcho today, and found him to me more down to earth than I expected. Even the next in command was just as nice. Again, who really knows when it's real? At least they are better at it compared to my immediate superiors.

There's about 30+ of them who make my company's regional management. And this, I observe are the common themes:

95% are married
95% do not smoke
95% are well travelled/loves travelling
80% are in their 40s.

So note to self:

1) You're too young to be that far ahead.
2) You're not Married.
3) You don't travel enough.

Till then, Dream the 10K salary a month......

5 hours and counting

Arrived Langkawi at 5.45....Reached hotel at 6.15. Hotel looks cool, but has too much of a forest environment that, well, I am cool too with. That KL lifestyle just suites me best.

My room is rather huge....I can do an eight-man draft (For M:TG Players) or it can sleep 4 with sufficient bed and floor space. The shower passed the test (I am very paticular about hotel bathrooms, fyi) and I am happy with the bathroom. Will probably do the bathtub in 48 hours.

Thank god they had StarSports. Otherwise I'd have to miss next Tuesday's Monday Night RAW....And that ain't cool. Otherwise I don't think I'd be watching a lot of TV in the next few days.

Tomorrows agenda involves me setting up a hospitality booth for the other colleagues to use as information counter. Somehow that, for me, is better than a Mangrove tour....I need help!

5 hours gone....67 more to go.....I hope you have been praiyng for me!

Swept Away

Tomorrow I will be flying-off to Langkawi. Not too sure why I am there, but I guess following instructions, even in this day and age, is somewhat appreciated.

My company is holding a regional meet there. During it's inception, right until this Friday, I had known of the plans and played some parts to putting everything together. At least that's what the powers that be think. in my honest opinion, I only followed instructions per my role as an assistant. In my 1 1/2 years in that role, that was part of my job, so being awarded with the opportunity to join this meet was, well, unexpected?

Granted, I had thought of it before. They should send me so that someone can get everything in order while they have fun. I seem to like doing these selfless roles, I don't know why. Some hopeless way to be useful, maybe?

Anyway, now I am tasked with so little knowlede of my role over there, but I am goig there anyway. I don't believe my boss likes it, though when she told me of the news after lunch on Friday, she 'encouraged' me to go. Again, "learn from the est" I tell you. When receiving the news, I was so taken aback I failed to realise the mess was putting mysef into. Note: This Regional meet is meant for, bigger players of my company....To illustrate, if I am a cadet, everyone is at captain rank or higher.

Oh bull, wha I am talking about? I get a 3 day AEP (All Expense Paid) trip to Langkawi without having to take leave and I am complaining? Somebody shoot me....

If you read this, may I have a request? Pray that nothing bad happens this week...

Thanks!

A repeat in History

That didn't happen. While things went down hill almost immediately after July 1st last year, things seems to have change, hopefully for the better this year. And to top it off, I haven't been depressed since May 1st...........hmmmmm.....

I wish I have more to write, but tentatively everything is underway, without anything being completed. Chances are, less than half of my 'journeys' will end positively for me, and while I hate the Sales theory of improved success with improved attempts, it seems that's what I'm heading as of this moment.

My RPGs took a halt, but are planned to be continued this weekend. My career (what career) seems to have halted as well, but then again I will need to want it enough for it to move again (basically I'm still waiting). My love life,......if any, is as before. With the difference that I now chose to spend time with people who I enjoy being with, even if there is no gurantee that I'll always enjoy their company, nor will I always have their company. I'll take whatever that I can get, thank you.

I now have a friend to go MPO (Malaysia Philharmonic Orchestra) with, so I no longer have to go alone. Yes, all things being equal, somethings just aren't meant to be done on one's own. Yet.

I still have some things I am still procrastinating.....Now that I'm at it, let's do a top 10 list (wow, that many??)

10. Own a house.
9. Sing aloud to crowds.
8. Pay off Study Loan.
7. Learn Mandarin
6. Go on diet.
5. Learn to drive & own a car.
4. Exercise!
3. Play the piano like a pro.
2. Find Sig-Other.
1. Start composing again.

The list is out...But will I do it?????????

My Classical Top 3

Number 3: Symphonies

Symphonies are basically 4 movement composition that is meant for the whole orchestra. Certain composers have gotten creative (or plain smart alec) and alter it to 3 or 5 movement compositions. In general, the first and the last movement are lively and of moderate pace, while the second or sometimes third is a sombre/slow movement. The remaining piece is usually the shortestof the four, and more often than not dance-like/2-themed.

My personal favourite - Schubert's Symphony No. 4 - Tragic. An awesome piece (barring the slower second movement, that seemed to be longer than I would like), it's 1st and 4th movement seems like music created with mathematics, where all the notes are written as though it's under a standard formula. Yet the whole piece flow together so well.......A piece I can rely on for mental strength.

Number 2: Piano Concertos
My favourite musica instrument is the piano, and I plan to learn how to play one by 30 (yes, poor bloke like me didn't get musical training during my youth...sob sob). I have 2 years left........fingers crossed...

Back to Piano Concertos, it's usually a 3 movement composition for a piano(lead) and the orchestra with a grand/moderately paced 1st movement, which usually carries a theme that will be used (after a little evolution) for the whole piece. The 2nd movement is usually slow, though some composers have added twists to their 2nd movements with a short burst somewhere in the middle. The last movement is usually fast and furious, though some add a little slow tempo every now and then. Rarely do they have 4 movements, bar some creative/smart alecs. Oh, there's usually a cadenza (I hope I got that right) that allows the soloist(piano) to strut some skills. Usually this is the most technical part for the soloist, however some composers have intentionally written this part as well (others let the soloist improvise) to be 'not so difficult'.

Personal Favourite: A tie between Schumann Piano Concerto in A minor and Mozart's Piano Concerto No.20. Schumann's Concerto is great overall with a superbly written final movement (IMO). Unfortunately, I lack the musical affinity to describe it without doing injustice to the movement. Mozart's No.20 is one of the few 'dark/sonbre' concertos that he has written. All 3 movements are excellent, with many critics stating that the piece is ahead of its time.

Numero Uno: Overtures

Overtures usually are 1 movement compositions for the orchestra. Mostly written as introduction to plays or suites, some are also written for festivals or other personal occasions. Notable few (off the top off my head) 1812 Overture(Tchaikovsky), Overture "Father & Son" (Mendelsohn), Egmont Overture (Beethoven), Tragic Overture (Brahms) and Overture to Manfred (Schumann).

Personal Favourite: Overture to Manfred. The Overture was composed for a play where it's lead Manfred, eventually became insane. And the theme for the overture, IMO, does brink on insanity. The whole piece is extremely invigorating with it's climax (twice) comprise of a series of quickly played notes that (due to my poor musical knowledge) seemed impossible to compose.

There you have it...My personal favourites....