How could I have gone to sleep???

I have a confession to make.

You know what you here from the sports anchormen, newscasters, pundits et all, " for those that slept after half time...."

Yup, I was one of those......Oh, why did I sleep after halftime? (Note: If you know nothing about football, skip reading)

Yesterday (25th May 2005), the most incredible thing happened in football sports. Liverpool, in a Champion's League Final (which is the premier competiton for Europe), up against 7 times Champions A.C. Milan from Italy, went 3-0 down in first half. Myself, being a loyal (will discuss this part later) Liverpool supporter, was devastated. This was made much worse considering the following factors:

1) Team selection - Rafael Benitez (Liverpool Manager) chose to pick Harry Kewell, once Australian wunderkid left winger/striker, to be one of the starting eleven despite him having played less than a couple of games before this. He eventually got injured (again) and had to go off after 20+ minutes.
2) Team selection - Djimi Traore was also selected for 1st eleven at leftback. While he has been playing regularly, it's probably his first, super important match and this guy has a tendency to overexpose his position and leave it unattended. Kudos for John Arne Riise for keeping the left side defendable.
3) The first goal by Milan was scored within the 1st minute!!
4) The other goals were scored when Djimi Traore was happily attacking in the opponent's half, leaving the defence to cope in 3 on 3 situations.
5) And, worse of them all, I applied Leave just to watch the match!!!

So you could understand me for giving up and going to bed at half time, right? I mean, an already distraught me couldn't take watching those 3 goals shown over and over again as the commentators review the 1st half that flew by. Surely I shouldn't torture myself with another horrific performance by Liverpool in the 2nd half and watch them ship in another 3 goals, no? You see my point, yes? (please say yes....please.....)

The truth is, I guess, I wasn't very loyal after all. I couldn't bear to see them lose. I didn't stick by them through thick and thin. And as I slumber, Liverpool staged the most exciting comeback by scoring 3 goals in 6 minutes, and then holding on for another 60 minutes before winning the match on penalties. All this happened while I was asleep. Steven Gerrard scored a superb header for the 1st goal, followed by a fluke 20 metre strike by Vladimer Smicer which Dida (Milan's goalkeeper) could have palm away and finally, Gerrard was brought down in the penalty area and gave Liverpool a penalty and chance to equalise. Xabi Alonso stepped up, and while his initial kick was stopped by Dida, his follow through crashed to the roof of the net and all the world wondered, "Could Liverpool pull it off?"

And I lay asleep. Liverpool scored 3 goals and I was sound asleep. They won the penalties and I was sound asleep. They lifted the cup, in front of 80 thousand spectators (of which, over 40 thousand were fans) and I was........asleep. I gave up while the world watched. I did, however, manage to secure the news by 8.00am when I saw an SMS from a friend to tell me we won. I also made sure I caught the repeat, just to see the goals, the penalty saves and, the celebration afterward (how else could I manage to write so much here?).

I have to say, I am still pleased we won. Even if we can't defend it next year (This whole thing about only up to top 4 in each country may compete each year, irregardless of who the champion is, is ridiculous). We did what Arsenal, Chelsea and another 17 other premiership teams couldn't do for 20 years. (Eat that Everton. See how you survive Champion's League next season). We won this cup 5 times, when Manchester United could only do it twice in 50 years. Maybe in the future, Chelsea or even Arsenal can win it, but 5 times???(insert Booker T taunt here).

I need to stop giving up so easily......

And they all went to Tioman......

That was my company's yearly trip destination. Happened last weekend. I didn't go for several reasons;

1) Decision to go happened during my 'low' period when I was expecting to return to now current role. So the low morale me chose to be anti-social and miss the trip.
2) I had a concert at DPP (Dewan Philharmonik Petronas) on Sunday, which I paid as part of my membership package of 7 concerts for about RM 300.00. While I didn't go, (somebody beat me!), it was an excuse....
3) I wanted to watch Judgement Day( PPV event for WWE Wrestling) on Monday morning. Going to Tioman basically meant no PPV for me.
4) I had no one to go for.......Basically (this is a section that deserves a full post, but later), every trip I go to I had someone to go for....It's kind-off the poor 'boy' in me...whatever.....

Since then, I have heard some stories on the going-ons for the trip. Mostly the stories of people loosing themselves after many a mug of beer, i.e. dancing erotically, cursing, dirty jokes and comments, etc. One of them involves a young manager helping out a drunk Canadian tourist female, who according to several sources went to the beach dancing in nude, with a bottle in her, between her, you know where.......

No I don't miss not being there when it happened, though it would have been quite an eye-opener (I haven't been to tiger shows, mind you...). Remember, this was not a professional, rather some random student tourist... Nor do I miss the trip and the company, considering I am somewhat still sore with my company...However, the fact that I missed my first annual trip on my third year was somewhat dissapointing. Not to mention the opportunity to visit Tioman and snorkel. At least I would have had the chance to say, "Yeah, I've done that!".

But I have time in my hands. Or I think.....(If I die by a freak accident in 48 hours, you'd know I brought it to myself).

I do believe that trips like these should include people that you could share precious and memorable moments with, not just any Tom, Dick, or Sally......Though not necessary it must be a loved one, it should be someone that experiences things relatively the same as you, and have interests the same as you do. Otherwise the trip will be about who's enjoying and who's giving in.

Oh well. Must not skip my next (and last) concert next month, or I shall (shoot myself).

What a surprise!!

Last night something nearly random and impossible happened to me. I got an sms that at first, I discounted as a mis-sent, and later found out was an attempt to 'strike conversation' with me. Not to mention I just finished watching Monday Night Raw (yes, yesterday was Tuesday, I get to see it delayed) and realised I'm way past my bedtime. Bedtime now is, 11pm, later than that I won't get my 8 hours of sleep and my performance will suffer later that work day. Though, I have slept for 11 hours and still suffer in performance next working day.....Still, who wouldn't want more sleep?

Oh, back to the sms. I replied nonchalantly being the clueless person that I am. After discovering the true purpose of the sms, I own up to my lack of 'flirting' qualities. I was also trying to sleep, so keeping the sms up wasn't a good idea. Of course, being the person who has had no luck with the ladies (personal or otherwise), having a random thing like this sure excites the heart. Harmless, but the heart sure likes these kind of, feedback? (Couldn't find a better word). So I haven't really gotten over that, even now.

It got me thinking, why do I have such horrible ability to hold proper conversations with the fairer sex. I am, after all above average intelligence. There are many smarter males around me, but the smarter you are, the less likely the ladies would like you, or so I hear. Something to do with your conversations being too intelligent. Maybe my above average intelligence assessment is underestimated? Let's not go on an ego trip. Already riding on last night's!

Oh, reality check, nothing happened last night. I wasn't up for it, remember....nor did I know how. Hopeless. So why the issue with proper conversations? Or, to a more male female interaction, the ability to flirt? I use to have no problems talking to girls, or anyone for that matter during my childhood( :P). Then I went to an all-boys school in my teens, and I became more and more reclusive. I'd still have 'girl' thoughts, but as my school offers no such company, I think I basically lost touch. Then during my Form 6 years, having female classmates were possible again.

And in no time I was in love. Or so I thought. Looking at it now, the sudden exposure to girls after a long, long hiatus can drive a boy's hormones wild. Unfortunately, my, ahem, non-existent people skills, specifically with females, meant that all I could do were wrong things in my pursuit of the fairer sex. Real wrong. I overuse eye contact. I can't talk normal when they are around. About this girl that I was interested (in the 1 & 1/2 years in Form 6, I had 3 targets....bad bad boy), she had many admirers. I knew most of them, and their intentions. Yet not only did I not know how to exploit the information that I have, I let them win????Yeah, that's what I did.

And so I began my 'Self Destruct' process. A process I activate everytime I begin to feel for another person, and then due to some setback, I began to do everything that I could to forget them. And most of the things I did were extremely mean, to an unsuspecting female. Like complete ignorance, helping out with others on her relationship rumours, etc....See the total lack of maturity in this aspect?

Wait, I am to talk about my lack of flirting skills, not my past non-existent relationships. Ok, ok. Years go by and after many 'Self Destruct' activations, it's no surprise I no longer can hint interest with any female. Hell, I can't even read proper signs. Like when to step up or bolt. Or when they're in the mood (Forget about getting heavy, ok. I'm talking base zero here). Even girls that I find attractive, I completely ignore them (well, I try....But those damn hormones don't help!) as I doubt I'd be able to do anything...(yes yes, no confidence here....so huat??)

Also, I kind of believe in what I say, or what they say, in this 'flirting' process...So to do this flirt thingy just for the joy of it just doesn't feel right. Not to say that I don't do it at all, sometimes when my guard is missing I pull of a great escape or two, but other than that, I can only envy those who have it easy on the ladies.

I have my fair share of male friends who can pick up any girl they want. Well, at least that's how they boast it. They've got some examples, but it wouldn't be nice to say they're lying. Let them have their ego trip, I say, even if I won't get mine. They do, however, have the ability to sense interest, and also have the courage to 'hit' on a girl. Me, I can only think of the consequence of my actions, especially what may have felt right (My heart's a lousy judge) almost always turn completely wrong!

Sigh. Well, I guess I know why I'm poor in flirting. My lack of effort to improve it basically means no sig-other for me. You reap what you sow, no?

What do you write...

when you can't think of anything to write about??

I used to think blogging was an opportunity to write a 'public' diary. However, since then, the 'public' information became more and more 'private; information which I am becoming more reluctant to share.

I am, after all, a very secretive person. Granted, everyone has their share of secrets, and I for one, isn't in a position to own secrets that have overwhelming consequences once public (other than to myself), I do hold much of what I know to myself for several reasons:

1) I hate being wrong. Even if others don't know it. To know I played a part in giving incorrect information (without intent) and that someone using that same information with a potential to 'blow in their face' is painful. Don't know why.

2) I fear to be understood. It's like a book. Once someone has read you, you are open. They can choose any page in your book and know what you'll do. Or what you'll do next. That, scares the hell out of me. Not to mean that I don't want my (future) Sig-Other to not know me, but until then, I'll keep me to myself. Thank You.

So 2 reasons that compel me to be silent (but violent). Yet, every now and then I break my own rules and spills out more than I should, resulting in me feeling bad about myself for a while. And it can be a long while.

Enough talk about me. (Wait a minute, it's meant to talk about me). Lets find something to write about.....later.

And they all talked about Liverpool

Been lazy lately, with not much drive to strive.
Read a few guys blog and for those who were Liverpool fans, one theme popped up:
The fact that Liverpool is in Champion's League Final, against AC Milan.

A quick one on the above. Me Liverpool fan too. Not too diehard, but enough to always back Liverpool even when the odds are strongly against them. FYI, for those who don't know, Liverpool is a football club in UK. Currently not the best in terms of the Premier League, however over the years their history is amazing. Recent times Liverpool haven't been Champion material, but this CL final gives the team an opportunity to return to previous glory days.

I saw that match, I saw the (boring) 0-0 1st leg too. Oh, as a Liverpool fan I shouldn't say that it was boring (it was a good result to bring back to Anfield), however looking from a neutral, any game that ends 0-0 tend to bore. Tactics prevailed over technique.

And it was similar in the return leg. Other than the fortunate goal early in the game, the teams stuck to their tactics like before and the game ended 0-1. It wasn't pretty, but in the end the results matter most.

I have to admit, while for a neutral, it wasn't very exciting, being a fan it was very stressful. Knowing that a single goal by Chelsea (did I not mention this was their opponent?) will take them through instead of my team, I was anxious throughout the game. Worried sick at times. But I kept watching. And they won.

And that's all that matters.......