What a surprise!!

Last night something nearly random and impossible happened to me. I got an sms that at first, I discounted as a mis-sent, and later found out was an attempt to 'strike conversation' with me. Not to mention I just finished watching Monday Night Raw (yes, yesterday was Tuesday, I get to see it delayed) and realised I'm way past my bedtime. Bedtime now is, 11pm, later than that I won't get my 8 hours of sleep and my performance will suffer later that work day. Though, I have slept for 11 hours and still suffer in performance next working day.....Still, who wouldn't want more sleep?

Oh, back to the sms. I replied nonchalantly being the clueless person that I am. After discovering the true purpose of the sms, I own up to my lack of 'flirting' qualities. I was also trying to sleep, so keeping the sms up wasn't a good idea. Of course, being the person who has had no luck with the ladies (personal or otherwise), having a random thing like this sure excites the heart. Harmless, but the heart sure likes these kind of, feedback? (Couldn't find a better word). So I haven't really gotten over that, even now.

It got me thinking, why do I have such horrible ability to hold proper conversations with the fairer sex. I am, after all above average intelligence. There are many smarter males around me, but the smarter you are, the less likely the ladies would like you, or so I hear. Something to do with your conversations being too intelligent. Maybe my above average intelligence assessment is underestimated? Let's not go on an ego trip. Already riding on last night's!

Oh, reality check, nothing happened last night. I wasn't up for it, remember....nor did I know how. Hopeless. So why the issue with proper conversations? Or, to a more male female interaction, the ability to flirt? I use to have no problems talking to girls, or anyone for that matter during my childhood( :P). Then I went to an all-boys school in my teens, and I became more and more reclusive. I'd still have 'girl' thoughts, but as my school offers no such company, I think I basically lost touch. Then during my Form 6 years, having female classmates were possible again.

And in no time I was in love. Or so I thought. Looking at it now, the sudden exposure to girls after a long, long hiatus can drive a boy's hormones wild. Unfortunately, my, ahem, non-existent people skills, specifically with females, meant that all I could do were wrong things in my pursuit of the fairer sex. Real wrong. I overuse eye contact. I can't talk normal when they are around. About this girl that I was interested (in the 1 & 1/2 years in Form 6, I had 3 targets....bad bad boy), she had many admirers. I knew most of them, and their intentions. Yet not only did I not know how to exploit the information that I have, I let them win????Yeah, that's what I did.

And so I began my 'Self Destruct' process. A process I activate everytime I begin to feel for another person, and then due to some setback, I began to do everything that I could to forget them. And most of the things I did were extremely mean, to an unsuspecting female. Like complete ignorance, helping out with others on her relationship rumours, etc....See the total lack of maturity in this aspect?

Wait, I am to talk about my lack of flirting skills, not my past non-existent relationships. Ok, ok. Years go by and after many 'Self Destruct' activations, it's no surprise I no longer can hint interest with any female. Hell, I can't even read proper signs. Like when to step up or bolt. Or when they're in the mood (Forget about getting heavy, ok. I'm talking base zero here). Even girls that I find attractive, I completely ignore them (well, I try....But those damn hormones don't help!) as I doubt I'd be able to do anything...(yes yes, no confidence here....so huat??)

Also, I kind of believe in what I say, or what they say, in this 'flirting' process...So to do this flirt thingy just for the joy of it just doesn't feel right. Not to say that I don't do it at all, sometimes when my guard is missing I pull of a great escape or two, but other than that, I can only envy those who have it easy on the ladies.

I have my fair share of male friends who can pick up any girl they want. Well, at least that's how they boast it. They've got some examples, but it wouldn't be nice to say they're lying. Let them have their ego trip, I say, even if I won't get mine. They do, however, have the ability to sense interest, and also have the courage to 'hit' on a girl. Me, I can only think of the consequence of my actions, especially what may have felt right (My heart's a lousy judge) almost always turn completely wrong!

Sigh. Well, I guess I know why I'm poor in flirting. My lack of effort to improve it basically means no sig-other for me. You reap what you sow, no?