I drank at a party???

I have to admit, last saturday, I actually drank liquor at a party. It was the first party I had the opportunity to go to with the folks at my favourite hangout store, Wolf's Games Shop. I do confess, I really wasn't sure why there was a party (I was informed originaly that it was for Wolf, but then it turned out it was for a host of other October babies, like my dad, my younger brother, etc.. :) ) and was informed of it by sheer concern of my Raw Deal Marketing Manager, Ms. Triona Lydia Leo at the eleventh hour as I was suppose to hold a tournament the next day (Oops, fragment).

Now, for people who don't know me (well enough), I do not drink beer, or any equivelant drink. If it's liquor, that's fine, but no beer. I just don't like it, period. I'm also a poor drinker, whereby a few drinks (i.e. 3+) should put me to sleep. And I don't get high from alcohol, but a kind of pain, which is why I have always said, "I will not replace 1 pain with another", i.e. No drowning of my emotional/mental anguish with alcohol and get myself physical pain.

Oh, I didn't drink for that either, that night. I drank because I was involved in a drinking game, which was, in my honest opinion, a lame excuse to drink as a penalty. The game had us taking 1 card each from a deck of cards, and the biggest card decides who needs to drink 1 shot of the available liquor. Then the victim gets to make up a new rule, in which case almost everyone decided to restrict speech freedom (e.g. Can't say drink, pass, etc.) Eventually, 1 round could have 5-10 shots being drunk by 1 or more persons, resulting in a single round lasting 10 minutes or so. And all everyone had to do is to keep their mouth shut. But then again, we all needed an excuse to drink.....I mean, they all.....really...

In any case, I didn't have to drink until half way through, when I said the 'illegal' words twice and downed 2 shots in a go. Subsequently I made several more mistakes and took about 6-7 shots in total. I wasn't wasted, but I like to act like I am. Otherwise people wouldn't give up on me.

What else happened during the party:

1) We watched EPL and was more keen on players playing well than the result itself.

2) I drafted my first Ravnica (M:tG) and lost due to mana screw. If not, I would have won on my first draft (wishful thinking)

3) Many people played twisters. I wanted to, but then wasn't sure I'd keep my hormones in check if I did, so abstinence is good prevention. There were girls at the party playing twisters, ok!

4) 3 chicks puked, though I can't recall if any of the guys did as well. I expected myself to puke, but I didn't. Not too sure why...

5) There's this couple that let 1/2 of the couple smooch another for everyone's view (including the said half). All in all I think they smooched like 5 times, at least. After the second one, it kinda got boring......Oh, nothing elsed happened....Or I'm not telling it here. You figure it out yourself.

6) Someone brought his new X-Box but didn't get to play it until like, 4am in the morning because there were football first, and then drunkards lying on the floor in front of the TV later. Eventually they moved away to, a) puke, b) puke, c) lie somewhere else.

7) We had a lot's of pizza. Rephrase. I had a lot of pizza. In total maybe about 10 slices over to feeding sessions. One when the pizzas arrived, about 10pm, and another at about 1am...

So all in all I had fun at the party. For once it wasn't a drinking party, where everyone was just trying to get everyone else drunk, though I know there were a few persons who wanted to get there. I hope I get to join them again for the New Year party, but we'll talk about that when we get there in 2 months time.

Till then, being sober is good. Being sober when everyone thinks your drunk is way better!

Why do I miss it so?

This time the header has nothing to do with what I 'm writing. I really don't know what to write, but I think I should as I haven't written for awhile.

Maybe I should go story telling today. What story will it be?

Why was I a Magic: the Gathering Judge.

For those who knew me a about 5 years ago, I started judging part time in 2000 during KL GP. Despite scoring well below the passing mark of 80 ( I think I got like 68). I got my level 1 that day and thus began my 2 year stint as a somewhat fulltime M:tG Judge.

I enjoyed judging very much, as it allowed me to be part of the game without having to face the hearbreak of loosing it. I'm not too keen in loosing, fyi, and while there are those who choose to see it as a challenge they will take up until they succeed (and then leaving it completely because it's no longer a challenge), I am the type that would rather back-off and fnd another way to enjoy the game and keep an avenue open that in future I may take up the game as a player again (hint hint).

Because of this judging stint, I had valid reasons to visit Singapore & Hong Kong, so I wouldn't say it was anything but a good experience. Eventually, after many tournaments appearing initially as some random judge, and later to being head judge and tournament organiser, I saw a better reason for me to do this; The satisfaction of running the show that everyone else enjoys. Mind you, it was no easy task, as I had to do alot of physical work arranging play areas and running tournaments. Not to mention the extended hours during tournaments, like 7am to 10pm..... And yet after every succesful tournament I would sit back and reflect on the good that I've done to the community...

So why am I an ex-Judge now? The main excuse is that I started to work, and working commitments made it difficult for me to spend those hours making a tournament go smoothly. The actual reason was that I felt betrayed by certain quarters, and lost both the way and the cause. Thus I initiated my exodus in 2003, and hasn't looked back since (lie).

Not too bad for a story from nowhere, huh?

Evanescence

My fav. band for the moment. I actually spend RM 36.00 to buy the original CD last month... (yes I know, they're a realtive has been now, they were hot a couple of years back).

The reason I bought the CD is because I figured that I would probably like all the songs in the CD, so it would be well worth it. Moreover, I think they deserve my royalty payment....

I have already memorised 5 out of 11 of the songs, and I want to make it at least 10 of 11 before I move on to memorise other songs. FYI, I still remember 9 out of 10 songs of the only other original album I bought, which was Wilson Phillips back in 1990!

I pity the people around me though, how they have to listen to a guy learning to sing songs by a female singer. Actually, they're mostly my siblings and parents, since I don't sing out loud elsewhere......hmmm..

I have to admit, the album is worth my every cent. Not that it's the best music money can buy, for that I would have to chose a CD compilation that had Overture to Manfred, Schubert's Symphony no.4 as well as Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 20 in 1 CD for me to say "that's the best music moeny can buy". The songs eventually seem to repeat itself on the verse sections, with the themes somewhat angst. But I guess that's what i like about Evanescence, how the angst is so well imbued in the music (Amy Lee's voice is also a major boon).

I also like the way electronic music blends with classical instruments. The piano in Bring Me to Life, Taking Over Me and the string arrangements in Whisper really is very good. It expunges my previous preference to keep Classical and Contemporary music apart.

Just helping think of other things....

Territorial disputes

Confession. Despite moving to a new workstation in my office, I seem to be having difficulty letting my old one go. Someone (who isn't someone I despise, other than the fact he's got someone's attention that I do not, bugger!) is trying very hard to relocate to my old workstation, and I am subconciously defending the area...

Frankly speaking, I don't need it anymore, other than to store junk. But I also want to keep it as it is a prime location. It's a window workstation with the sun behind you a a good view of the city. Since I'm at describing workstation, my current one is next to a 2 walls and right smack at the centre of the floor. Location wise, the old one is by far better as the area is also almost impossible to look at what I am doing without a conscious effort.

I think I know why I'm keeping the place, but even I isn't too sure about that. Really. Oh well, poor guy. Can't move to the 'best place' in my office..

Sorry mate, while I can't call something else mine, this will have to do! Ha ha!!!

If I was a Vampire in V:tM

I'd be a Malkavian.

I actually love Toreadors the most, as they are so cool and exactly what I like most about being a Vampire; Fast, Charismatic and foresight to boot.

I'd even settle with Tremere, but with no spells in repetoire, I guess that just won't do.

So why would I be a Malkavian? Firstly, I admit that I am demented. Not so much in action, but very much in thought. Things that goes through my head are so, so, sick and well, demented. So if you know me personally, chances are you don't...Scared you, didn't I?

Next, I am extremely moody, and thus fit a Malkavian very much. Also, I can see humour in the worst of situations, and yet be dead serious over child's play. Don't you agree I'm Malkavian?

Going to the diciplines that I would have, I'd say Basic Auspex, Superior Dementation and no Obfuscate. That's because not only do I have no tact, I can't really do much in secret without laughing over it. So I'd have a capacity of 3. I'd give myself the ability, BenBHadd can perform any action any number of times this turn. That's because I'm never bored of the same old thing. Wait, that means I'm boring.........Maybe I am.

So that's me as a vampire....If you think you're one too (per V:tM), feel free to comment..


Oh, I'd also be Sterile, meaning to say I can create any progeny.......(this is not a medical condition, I think..ha ha)

Blood in my hands

I haven't killed anyone, nor do I believe I'd ever be in a position ot have to, but last night, someone's life was relatively in my hands, and I relatively terminated it.

I can't really say much, but I need a place where I can speak my piece and seek forgiveness, and while I doubt I'd get it, I know I have to try...Maybe doing it here doesn't help, but it's a start. And for me that's quite alot.

The source mf my 'problem' lies within me, my lack of tact when hurling what I thought were impartial comments. I thought that the world's humour levels were much higher, and that people were more used to direct feedback. Unfortunately that isn't the case, I still have certain people in my life more laidback than me, more conventional than me, more narrow minded than me.

And to them, I hope I could not have wished that you could see the light, for that would only mean that I took you, your personality for granted.

Enough said. To each it's own, and "thank you for making my future one without offsprings". (For all it's worth, that wasn't meant sarcastically, nor with dissent, at all..really....REALLY)

Migration

Not quite, but it's the biggest word I could think of to say " I moved from 19th floor in my office to 14th floor!"

For those who didn't notice, a couple of posts back I mentioned that I will be moving workstations. I did that today. While I'm still using my old PC (Prop IBM, flop Dell), and the same phone & line, everything else changed (Ok, my boss is still the same, but I have another boss now...haha!)

The people around me are relatively new as the department I am situated in is about 6 months old. My workstation is not as private as before (my boss almost 'snuck up' on me a couple of hours ago and made me freak out as I was blogging....) but still more 'out of view' compared to others of my level.

I haven't really begun unpacking, other than the stuff I 'need' to work daily, but safe to say my workstation 'looks' like my workstation now...Messy and all..haha

208120 292038 919 82118209147 135 171914!!!

In any case, change is imminent....And I hope I'm changing with it...for the better.....(yeah right!)

Encoded??

Since I'm abit bored today, I'll play with myself here (no dirty thoughts, please)

9 19123 8518 20154125. 1985 2315185 1 1691411 2121521195 1144 1912131119. 235 215208 13111415231254754 5138 15208518 239208 152118 525519 15141225. 1991435 208514 9 113 655129147 121523. 9 18511291954 208120 4519169205 8518 141520 259147 1682519931121225 120201813209225, 1985 1215151119 1915 2512120962112 2015 135. 96 15141225 1965'4 65512 2085 191135. 96 15141225 1985 6551219 114252089147 201523118419 135. 9 192091212 4185113 156 8518 52251825 1497820, 1144 920 13111519 135 1391919 8518 1915 132138 141523!

23825 3114'20 9 611212 61518 191513515145 23815'4 129115 135 201515??

The above shouldn't be posted here, but since I'm feeling naughty and 12151451225, oh what the heck.

In any case, a hint......that's 891420. a clue.........312215. Get it? 7520 920?

New Toy for the Big Boy

Haha, sorry. Such a nice title, had to steal it from where you know it is....

In any case, just wanted to say that I am now taking V:TES (Vampire: The Eternal Struggle) more seriously and I am looking to get more of it's cards in coming months. For those of you oblivious to V:TES, it's a CCG (if you don't know what this is, stop reading. Nothing will make sense to you) where you play a Methuselah and try to control your world by influencing minions, generally vampires, to do your bidding.

While in reality I hate this 'influence' factor, largely because I have none of it, in the game it's fun because the Vampires are such cool minions to control and they can do many things to 'screw' your opponents. And if I get lucky, I might just find more than 1 player to play this regularly with.

The game was originaly a 'brother' to Magic: the Gathering but since then has been taken over by White Wolf (the makers of Vampire: the Masquerade RPG) and the new cards are getting more and more exciting. The only problem is that I have very little of the new cards, and thus am still stuck in the 'timeline' when it was stil a WoTC (Wizards of the Coast, creators of M:TG) product.

It's time to feed....I mean, bleed....

Paintball

Last saturday my company had a paintball event. For those who didn't noticed, the month before we had a shooting event, so immobile target before, live moving (yummy) human targets next.

(un)Fortunately, my dexterity is nigh zero and my team (of 4 teams) were at the bottom of the table when it comes to this years events. That, and the fact we're all a bunch of wossies (that didn't come out right), so I didn't expect us to shoot down the opposition and claim an upset (Note: Expectations aren't the same as hope, go figure).

Due to weird organisational skills, instead of a team of 5, my team had 6 persons, but there were only 5 vest. So I had to go in without one, but since I haven't played this before, I didn't know if it was a good idea to have a vest..I mean, it's not like I plan to get shot......

On my first game we lost because my team ran out of pellets. We were suppose to get 50 each, but 1 cupfull of pellets is not 50. In any case, at the last minute I got hit by a glancing shot that tore my palm's skin. I was the first bleeding participant. But hey, no shot to my body, didn't need a vest at all....

Next, my team lost again as our opponents captured the flag. Oh, it's a round robin of 3 games and capture the falg win condition, I didn't mention this earlier? I was shot halfway through the 5 minutes time limit, in the forearm. I still hav the bruise, but hey? NO hits on the body, no vest required....

In the third game, determined to not lose (not win, but not lose) or get shot, I decided to bunk at closest to the base and stay there. I fired some shots at, what, 100 feet (they don't hit, of course) and for some reasons, my opponents decided that with 30 secodns left, my team had no pellets left...Once came running around my left towards my flag, with me shooting at him continuously to no success (dexterity 0, remember? Absolute ly no hand-eye coordination at all). I got so frustrated that I went right infront of him (he was out of pellets as well) and gave him 2 shots at about 10 feet.

Back track. At ranges of less than 20 feet, one should aim for the legs ot avoid injuring others. Besides, at such short range, how could you miss?

But I did, so I shot him smack on his chest. Twice. Or so I thought. Later I saw him with a bandage in his left arm that was much worse an injury compared to mine. Oops. He did have a vest, so the second shot that was (suprisingly) on target didn't injure (he still complained about pain, though). Oh, I also took out another guy at less than 20 feet who also thought I had ran out of pellets...Not too bright, eh?

But My team couldn't advance to the next round, and so there ends my short love affair with paintball. It'was fun, especially when I didn't need a vest at all!! Should I mention I am larger than the average human???

You Can't See Me!! Ha ha

The Board is set....

The Pieces are moving...

I have finally confirmed that the first part (Appointment) of the Great Movement within my Company is official. And to the fact that part two (Transferrence) was already complete last week (part one even earlier, but without my knowledge), now remains part three: Creation, and part four: Reconciliation.

Once all these are in place, my wilder conspiracy theory is proven true, and this puts a great question on my ability to judge character. Despite me being a largely analytical person, I have discovered that I have poor judgement when it comes to people. I seem to get myself involved with people that want to take advantage of me, and those who don't I tend to take for granted.

To those who have cared for me sincerely and with heart, many apologies for not knowing, and not seeing. May I see your true colours and acknowledge your contributions all the time. If I don't, feel free to give me a kick on the behind..

To those who are still thinking that I am something you can use, (insert profanity here) you. I will learn from my dealings with you and see right through you moving forward.

Mushy stuff. Sorry. In any case, I should post something about paintball last weekend....

On the move

Looks like I'm on the move again. Certain quarters at my workplace have been asking me if I am moving, and I think come tomorrow, my official answer will be yes.

I'm not leaving the company though, just moving floors. Changing departments (more or less), but still doing the same job, same role.

Thinking about change as I write this, I think in the next couple of weeks I have a clear opportunity to make things happen. Now it's all up to me making it work.

I have generally let opportunity pass me by every now and then, but this time I truly must make it work. Time to get back into hardwork mode and laze less, I think...(if only I feel the same as I think, haha)

Writing my blog while working (ahem) isn't helping, too....

hugs

Something that I don't do. Period.

It didn't help that despite having parents that were relatively western in thought, hugs just aren't something practiced at home. So for me to greet another person, or say goodbye with a hug, just isn't natural.

But the past 7 days have seen me hug 3 different people. FYI, they're all colleagues from other markets. Being truly western in culture, hugs and kisses (cheek pecks) are a form of greeting and goodbye. And I couldn't go all ewweee about it, so for a couple of seconds, my body like...."what just happened??? Dunno, please asked the brain to intepret what happened and why it did.." Brain would then say, "Oh, it's just a normal way to bid adieu" " WTF??? Normal??? Since when???"

You get the picture. Me no hug, so no hug me....Unless I want you too....ha ha...

Karaoke

Hmmmm. Confession. I'm a sucker to singing. My personal favourite is to hear the voices of the sopranos of a choir.....Angelic....

Unfortunately my only proper encounter with a choir was during my 2nd year in UPM (that's a University in Malaysia, fyi) where I joined a choir (for the wrong reasons, mind you) and ha to perform live twice while with them. Luckily it was only for the University audience, else I'd be too embarress to talk about it here.

Not to say that we (the choir) sucked, but by the second semester, we had a supposed 'experienced' musician as our conductor who turned out to be....Below par???

Jumping back to the header (My header is actually the theme??? Since when???). I recently had a Karaoke session with some close friends, and while the outing as enjoyable, the experince was....enlightening...

Oh, FYI, I do Karaoke somewhat once a month. Would love to do more, but the cost is not very encouraging. So what's the enlightenment?? You see, I like to sing so much that I memorise quite a number of them (unfortunately my voice isn't a 10 point advantage (ref: GURPS) so life as an entertainer is't an option), and I end up chosing these songs while I karaoke. The other 'problem' is that these songs ususally are MTV versions, i.e. no lyrics to sing along, so other people who don't know the lyrics by heart won't be able to participate.

Now the thing about karaoke is that it's meant for a group of people, irregardless of musical ability, to sing their hearts (and sometimes throat's) worth without caring if it's music to other's ears. However, with MTV, not only do you hear the original artist singing, you also have no lyrics to sing along....Get the picture???

I didn't get it 'till 48 hours ago..So while I happily sing songs I sing on a regular basis in the semi-lit room, others have nothing to do but listen. Now in a concert hall, that's probably what you want to do. In a Karaoke-room however, other than that 1 person who may be fiddling with the remote to pick the next millionth song, others aren't doing something they're there for...Sing.

Smack into my face, that revelation. SO I've decided that from now on, I'll not sing any song that others can't sing along with. No lyrics, no song. For the songs I know by heart, I ca ing them anywhere and anytime I want....

Except while in Karaoke.....

Whoa.....(response to previous long thread comment)

Looks like my wish for a certain Barry to not read that post didn't happen. It also looks like we have things that we need to trash over and hopefully I'd still get the chance.

Somehow or rather, I guess critising MLM results in criticising everyone in it. Not very bright, am I? Not ever very bright, but highly opinionated(?). Truly sorry to have had you known how I truly feel about MLM, but I guess it was eventual.

That aside, to everyone who is doing MLM, and didn't like what I said, I am not sorry of my opinion. Nor will I be sorry if it seemed to be a negative point of view to your lives. I am an advocate of diversity. In every circle of life, there will be one leader, many followers, 1 freak, 1 saint, 1 etc...You get the picture. Simply because the guy on top looks to be the happiest doesn't mean he is. But if that's what you want, go get it. With all your heart and soul.

Oh well, I won't achieve much diplomacy after the prior post on this issue. But I do note this, people do change. So will I.

At my pace.......

Change - (Warning, looooooong post)

No, it's not spare coins. Nor is this the sound you hear from one of the old arcade games. A few posts back I noted that it's time I changed, and that I have gained nothing from being myself today.

Yesterday, through some rather weird turn of events, I was brought to a table to discuss matters pertaining to financial opportunities. While discussing those opportunities, my personality not only got analysed, it took a great amount of knocks as well.

While the 'closers' were spot on when identifying my personality type, what they failed to catch was that I was reading their gameplan like a book. First, show how easy it is to make lots of money. Then, show how many people have made that money. After that, entice you to try from the bottom, since you've got nothing to lose from there, right?

Yes, specifically it's an MLM. Truth be told, really, the plan is probably a new way of making business. Imagine if everything that you bought you had a stake in it, that eventually you'd get something back. Well in MLM, given time, and bigger your circle of 'network' is, your returns may just superceed your investment.

But ofcourse, the investment in total of your 'network' will definitely not come close to your returns. Under no situation would any company let you take home more than you've invested. You'd probably think that you've only brought in X amount, and now you take home 2X amount home each month, so ultimately the venture is successful and you've got excellent returns for your initial investment.

Yet the actual investment is far more than you'd see. The actual amount of investment is the total number of sales/investment your whole team has contributed, and that could easily be from 3X to 6X per level of MLM. And it will usually take at least 3-4 levels before you'd ever begin earning your X that you've invested. In other words, if no one else invest, you're stuck with no returns.....

But back to the concept if everything you bought you'd have a stake in it...Like every toothpaste you buy, you get back a 10% of it's retail price. Or if you buy a new car, by being a partner, you'd get back 10% discount. And from there onwards, each other person you introduce to buy the same branded car, you'd get a cut, and the new buyer get's his discount. Eventually, there wouldn't really be a need for sales persons anymore, since everyone will be out to get everyone else to buy with him (note: not for him, but with him. For once you've bought it with him once, you're in his shoes now, eager to get more new buyers).

Then the unimaginable thing happens, with everyone already a partner of everything he/she would ever want to own, and that no one else would be available to be recruited anymore, hence critical mass...Or that it's becoming such a success, no ones wants to let anyone else override their stakes...Note again, this is for everyday purchases....

This of course, will not happen for 2 things:

1) Time. Mankind will continue to regenerate itself, so much so that even if you've had the world's population as your consumer, each second there will be someone else alive who isn't your consumer...yet. So imagine the baby stalkings! "Hey, your kid should be a partner in so & so scheme to earn the returns from age 0!" Without a doubt, though, the parents would be saying," yeah, and he's going to be under me!"

2) Diversity rocks. Despite all this hype about jewellery, there's that small amount of people that just don't buy it. You love KFC, I love McD's. While you believe being a partner in everything you buy gets you good returns, I think it's bollocks. Hell, even heaven, the best thing that you don't need money to buy, isn't 'sold' to every living thing in the world.

So hitting critical mass is only theorethically possible, and realistically impossible. Which means, you'd never run out of prospects. The key then for this business is finding your prospects/investors, or what they call partners.

So we've come to a conclusion that it can't fail, at least not through lack of prospects. The incentive scheme is generally well thought out and extremely enticing, so under no reason should that be the hindrance. Then, what is? Why do we know of so many people who does MLM and fails?

It is Diversity that once again becomes the stumbling block. You see, to be a MLM person, you need to fit into a certain mold of person. And it is just 1 mold. Yes, those who do it would contest otherwise, but in reality, they are all the same. They have 1 goal that they share (and mind you, it isn't always money....Isn't always), 1 lifestyle that they want to lead (hint: travel the world and the seven seas is generally a common theme), and 1 thing that they consider success; Being their own boss.

So to succeed, or to be enticed to be a part of this 'revolution', you'd have to either want to be that way, or know not how to not want to i.e. you truly believe that you do not like that way of life. A way of life where money is scarcely an issue, where you'd seem to have all the time in the world to do whatever you want, and you'd have close friends and partners to boot.

What a load of bull! Analyse this. For everyone you'd know who'd have money to spare, they're unlikely to have time for themselves, or much of any friends. If they had time, chances are money is an issue, and/or friends as well. If you have all the friends in the world, chances are the other 2 aren't available in abundance. To have everything borders on perfection, and being the imperfect bengs that we are, we seem to be unable to accept that fact and constantly strive for the impossible.

Then they'd show you all the names of people who lead the lifestyle they're trying to sell you. But will you really get to see their personal lives? They'd go up the stage and speak of great holidays, power real estates and luxury cars, but will anyone of them truly say "I now spend time with my family, and use only 10 hours a week teaching people about this business" and prove it. They like to discount the many hours they spend networking at parties, workshops, drinks sessions and talking about their business as 'free time'. They'd say that the business runs on it's own, and little intervention is needed to keep it running.

And their best show is helping others achieve their greatness. As an indication of sincerity. I must say, one would be truly optimistic to suspect nothing is amiss. They say when you start to work, it's the 'real world'. Since when does that cease if you join MLM? It doesn't. It's just that people in MLM are so much better at hiding their agendas and intentions, you'd need microscopic eyes to seen that hint of taint in them. Really, the successful ones are truly that good.

Okay, I am not saying there aren't good people in the world, but the MLM history has not been clean by far. Their track record at hustling people off their hopes and, specifically money is just to great to ignore. They sell you a hope, not a product. And hope is mankind's greatest value, as well as biggest downfall. By using your hopes and dreams to sell you a product, this I deem, is questionable. When current commercial practice sell you a product, you know what you get for the price that you pay. If you don't get what was advertised, or per understanding, there are legal & illegal ways to rectify the issue.

By selling you hope, you have no insurance. Much like religion. Have faith, and God will be with you. If he isn't, you have little faith. With this hope that you have bought, your subsequent actions must be according to their mold, their practices, their teachings, and if and when you choose otherwise, and fail, they'll then blame it on you. It is your failure. Your lack of commitment, trust and effort is the reason you've not succeeded. You have failed to become one of them. And all you can do is take that mental attack and have no defence.

No, they're are no cult, by definition. But look beyond the confines of time, interpolate their goals and reasons, and you shall see their offer is not too far away. "Hoping for a better future? Join us and we will show you the way"..........

Shivers. Now, what has this to do with change? You see, for me to be successful like them, I need to be like them. I can't succeed by being me. Well, you can enjoy being you. I'll stick to being me.

Having said that, the whole discussion, if it was without the MLM connection, was somewhat eye opening as it did show what my areas of opportunities are, and showed truly clearly, where my areas of strength are as well.

And like most, if not all self help workshops/books, it's all about self help. Others can help you see, but it is you yourself that must walk the walk.

I have been shown the paths, I have been given the light, now all that's left is the decision to start walking. Preferably with the light, but on a path I chose, and no one else.

What on earth?

Is wrong with me??? ( I know that answer, actually, but have since refrain from discussing it here...sorry)

Must continue to focus on things that do not hurt, that does not betray.

On lighter note, I will be attempting to, wait, I can't say that....(Har har, my other personalities playing on me again..) Enough to say, it's another expensive venture that will open up more possibilities in the future....but it involves me alone.

Recently I have updated somewhere else that by the end of the year, I must own an Electronic Keyborad of 5 octaves or higher. This is my second written promise to myself. If I fail to deliver this, anyone that sees me mext January, shoot me. Kick me. Whatever (the F adjective is not applicable unless you are a non-related female that I would be interested)....

So if you find me being much more guarded on how I spend my money, hopefulyy this is an indication why.

Until then, I will continue to play till my heart recovers....Or I have a heart attack...Whichever that comes first...

MIQ?

Ha ha. Bet'cha don't know what that means.

My family seems to have a weird sense of communication. We had tendencies to create synonyms, for the most ridiculous of....phrases?

Allow me to provide examples:

MIQ - Make it Quick. Used when we need to rush each other into something.
LowIQ - Pronounced "low-ik". Meant to label people with Low IQ (duh?)

um....sorry. Mental block..can't think of others right now.

Will repost this later.

haha

What now?

The decision to name my new boss has been delayed, making my own decision to follow my old boss delayed as well. Everyone I know asks me the same million dollar question, "So when are you moving down to 14th floor?"

Inertia. By definition is directly related to one's weight. I am approx. 100KG, so I surely have a higher degree of inertia compared to others. So what does inertia have to do with me, or anything? Basically inertia talks about objects preference to remain in their current state. If you are moving, you'd like to remain moving. But if you are at a stop, you'd need a whole lot of energy to get you going again.

That's where I am now. At a halt. Full stop. I am so bored of trying new things, so tired of the things I do now, and so reluctant to change my environment. Near the end of last year I contemplated to work on a cruise (ot that I was getting a job...) and that never materialsed 'cos I'm so lazy to change my lifestyle. Not to mentioned I just got myself a RM 9K instalment to pay-off. So I remained where I was. Even further back, I wanted to move out of my apartment that I pay rent monthly so that I'd live on my own...I even had a friend that found me a place that was near to where I work, and within my budget....

Of course, if I have moved, I'd probably not be writing this now... Now I am at another corner of my life. I need to change me, but I can't muster the will to make that change. Nor do I have the courage to be what I am currently not. Then there's always that age old defence of trying to stay me, not wanting to change for change's sake, not wanting to become someone else....Excuses...

I once tried to explain that excuses aren't reasons...I can have 1000 excuses why I shouldn't change...But the truth is, I have no reason to it. So I should change. Be someone else...Not like the current me is getting me anywhere....

It's been awhile

I haven't blogged for awhile...been really busy at work..Didn't help when I spent the whole Public Holiday on Wednesday out...So no chance of any R&R.

Today, I am slightly less busy. Most of my work came from visitors of regional offices dropping by, and there are 3 groups to be exact. 1 has come and going, 1 is here and leaving soon, and the last will be in and out on Monday. After that, i'll be back the slower pace of work life.


So, what shall we write about today??

Recently I have acquired new cards fro mthe CCG Vampire: the Eternal Struggle and have found the cards most interesting. I have even built a new deck of Ravnos. Can't wait to play it with the other VtE enthusiast at the shop.

I should write more, but I'm facing a writer's block...I think...Maybe later...Who knows?